My Patronus is a Wookiee

A few minutes ago, in an office not too far from you………………………..

Darth Lauren: You are no match for me, Kris. I am a Sith Lord!

Jedi Kris: Your overconfidence is your weakness.

Darth Lauren: *scowls extra hard* Your faith in your friends and the “power” of LOVE is yours! Leave your pathetic Rebel Alliance. Join me, and I will show you more power than a Jedi could ever dream of.

Jedi Kris: Your faith in your power is mistaken. Soon I shall be a Jedi Master, and you will be lost and forgotten with the Sith when balance is returned to The Force. I know there is still some good left in you. It is not too late, Lauren.

Darth Lauren: For a pumpkin spice latte? I don’t know, Starbucks closes soon. And no, my young Jedi. You will find that it is YOU who are mistaken… about a great… many… things.

[epic battle ensues]

Jedis & Siths wear Aviators these days, in case you didn’t know.

*Both fight valiantly, using The Force and Lightsabers. Jedi Kris proves to be more powerful than Darth Lauren had expected… Before the duel has a fateful end, Darth Lauren makes a narrow escape on a nearby Geonosian speeder in a huff for a lunch break.*

After enjoying a bit of Kamino Sushi with her nifty new Star Wars Lightsaber Chopsticks…

Darth Lauren mused to herself, “This turn of events is… unfortunate. I must accelerate my plans!”

*Darth Lauren calls the Emperor via iPhone with an Imperial Death March ringtone.
The Emperor answers*

Darth Lauren: My Emperor…

The Emperor: How many times do I have to tell you, Lauren? It’s just Ryan.

Darth Lauren: Yes… Master.

The Emperor: *sigh* No need to inform me of recent events. I’m very busy. Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.

Darth Lauren: I understand, my Lord. I am sending my apprentice Count Darkhart into the Coruscant System (Ticketing Department) to seek out the Jedi Temple to end this… amusing… rebellion. I shall continue operational developments for a more powerful Death Star for you. Everything will go according to plan, Master.

The Emperor: Why don’t you leave my employees alone and get back to work? Oh, and great job to both you and Kris with the blogs. Keep up the good work! *click*

Darth Lauren: Um… okay. Hello? Hello? Sigh…

*Darth Lauren storms off and meets up with her Apprentice, the powerful young Count Darkhart.*

Darth Lauren: You have been well trained, my young apprentice. Do not fail me. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am. You know what to do. The pitiful little band of Rebels will be no match for you.

Count Darkhart: At last I will reveal my true talents to the Jedi. I will find them quickly, Master. Count on revenge.

*Count Darkhart bows solemnly, and departs*

…And now, our story falls into your hands, noble reader. YOU now have the power to control where the epic story takes us next!

You choose to:

a) Follow Count Darkhart into Coruscant
b) Venture into the Death Star with Darth Lauren
c) Join Jedi Kris and meet the Rebel Alliance
d) Learn the secret identity of Jedi Kris’ Apprentice
e) Discover what the perfect toppings are for a Galactic Empire Pizza.
f) Meet a dashing Freight Pilot from the Spaceport Cantina
g) bunnies!!!
h) My Patronus is a Wookie

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